Tuesday, May 5, 2015

That Time I Lost My Mind (In Brooks Brothers)

So, Brooks Brothers is evil.

I know, weird, right?  Since when is this preppy Mecca the seat of the devil?  I'll give you that - maybe the devil himself is not in residence, perhaps only one of his minions.

Only an evil place would make a woman believe wholeheartedly that her husband (at the tail end of his 30's) would look good in seersucker.

SEERSUCKER.

Don't get me wrong, I've always been a fan of it - on toddlers.  It never occurred to me that these twee adorable duds came in pieces bigger than a 5T, much less large enough to cover the rear of a grown man.

But there it was, big as day, allll over Brooks Brothers.  And it looked good.

It. Looked. Good.

To me, anyway.
I started holding up shorts, and shirts, telling my husband (dead seriously) that he should purchase them - they would look awesome!

After about the third item, I get The LOOK.
Y'all know The LOOK.  It's that sideways glance that clearly reads "I would never say this out loud, because I value my junk (and a good sandwich once in a while), but you are about 30 brands of crazy, woman.  Were you always like this, and I have trauma-induced amnesia, or was I black-out drunk when I proposed?"

Yep.  The LOOK was clearly thrown my way, along with an emphatic "Um... NO."

I probably should have figured out that it was not going to happen when even the kids (who are fashion-challenged enough to think that Minecraft and 'space kitties' are the best prints for your must-have wardrobe staples) began shooting me The LOOK and making gagging noises.

Gagging, I tell you!

So, I followed little one around the store, telling her that she's lucky she wasn't born a boy, and showing her all the seersucker/plaid/polo shirt things I would be forcing her to wear right about now if she was Emmett instead of Ella. Suffice it to say, there was never a person on this earth happier to not be in possession of a penis.  

Either my entire family has absolutely no taste, or I lost my mind in Brooks Brothers.  Maybe I should let up on looking at Kentucky Derby pictures, and NOT get a triple latte before my next venture into Preppyville.

Maybe.

There's always Christmas.
Look out hubs, seersucker is available year-round.


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