Wednesday, May 13, 2015

HGTV Is My Kryptonite

I love HGTV, y'all.
I'm not just saying that, either.  I love it like white girls love Starbucks and yoga pants - it's serious.

I love it... but with every great love comes a price.  Love is blind; or it makes you blind, maybe.
For instance, some days I become so excited about what I want to do with my house that I forget I don't have a $100k reno budget, and "Open concept", hardwood floors and granite countertops don't appear on the McDonald's $1 menu.

My bad.

I have a deep, unflagging adoration for The Property Brothers that tends to get me into trouble.  They make it look so freaking easy, right?  They are the reason I often have conversations that begin like this:

"You spent $100 on galvanized buckets?"
"What is this $200 charge at Lowe's?"
"Was this room always this color?"
"What happened to the floor?"
"Have you seen my drill?"

Party pooper.  (I'm lookin' at you, P. Diddy.)  But in fairness, he has come home to this on more than one occasion:

After a Property Brothers marathon, I can overestimate my abilities just a touch.  They pulled out carpet?  I can pull out carpet!  (Nevermind that three people are doing it on the show, and I'm all by my lonesome.  Did y'all know that a roll of carpet weighs roughly 87,000 lbs?  I do now.)  They can tear down drywall?  I can tear down drywall!  (Did y'all know that banging on drywall with a hammer and ripping it down (the way they do it on the show) produces roughly 94,000 6" pieces of drywall?  I know this now. Yeah, it doesn't come down in nice big chunks like you would think.)  They can put up a backsplash?  I can put up a backsplash!

I think you get the picture....

It's a sickness.
On the other hand, though, a lot of my attempts turn out pretty well in the end.  Except when they don't, and I'm looking a bit like this:

(Penny backsplash, I'm looking at YOU.)

I just tell myself that it's temporary anyway... a way to express my creativity while waiting for the real renovations that are happening slowly.  If you stop by, who knows what you might see... but if you find me buried under drywall rubble, or grouted to the floor you can be sure Drew and Scott had something to do with it.  Good-looking bastards. *grumble*

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