Friday, February 7, 2014

Pastafarian In The Parking Lot

So, today I'm sitting in my car in a store parking lot, answering a text before I go in, and a car pulls in beside me.

Nothing unusual about that, right?
Right.

Well, after a minute the driver still hasn't gotten out, so I kind of peer over there into the next car and what I see makes me briefly toy with the idea that my morning Diet Coke was spiked, or that my Cheerios (instead of being coated with honey-nut goodness), were rolled in LSD.  (General Mills?  You got some 'splainin to do.)

Because seriously?  There were no flying unicorns, but you just don't see this sort of thing every day.  "This sort of thing" being someone who just pulled into a parking lot with an uncovered paper plate of SPAGHETTI somewhere upon their person.  Seriously weird.

And?  The plate was nearly empty when I looked over there, leading me to believe that she had not just (as any rational person would assume) uncovered it from it's safe place on the passenger seat, and began to eat once she parked.

No, I think this woman was freaking EATING SPAGHETTI while she drove down the street.

How?
I mean, what are the logistics?
Was the plate in her lap?  Center console?  Dash? 
WHERE WAS THE PLATE?

Oh, and did I mention that it was 8:55am?  (Yes, I looked.)
She was driving down the road at 8-something am eating a paper plate of spaghetti in her car.

I shouldn't have gawked. 
I should have done the right thing and performed an intervention.  I should have driven to Dunkin' Donuts down the street, got her a bagel, and introduced her to a true portable breakfast item.

But I gawked.
And now I mock her in writing.

The only thing that would have made this more out of place as a mobile breakfast choice would have been a full (open) gallon of milk in the passenger seat.

Is she Pastafarian, and this is some bizarre weekend worship ritual?
The world will never know.