Monday, October 14, 2013

Dear Nail Technician: I Don't Like You!

Over the weekend I decided that it was high time my long-neglected eyebrows got some attention.  (Seriously, it was looking like my daughter's pet caterpillars had found a new home on my face - something had to be done.)

So, I did what any lazy, tweezer-challenged woman does in this situation - I headed for the nail salon.  A little wax and I'd be ready to roll.  (Again, I am seriously tweezer-challenged... I'm sincerely afraid of what might happen should I choose to undertake this myself.)

I saunter in whistling a jaunty tune (ok, humming a Hall & Oates song, you got me) and head for the nice reclining chair in the back, completely unaware of the horrors that awaited me.

Then... then, the technician comes in.

She says "You get eyebrow wax?"
Me:  *nods*

At this point she eyes me up, from several different locations around the chair, and I'm starting to get nervous.  Then, she drops this bomb:

"You get lip wax, too?"

Wait, what?  LIP WAX?  No, no I am NOT getting a lip wax too!  But then... she looked at me from several angles, and then asked.  Plus, I have been to get my brows done quite a few times, and I have never been asked about this before, so it's probably not a usual 'upselling' technique.

Oh. My. GOD, she thinks I need a lip wax.  (At this point I start thinking about that potential patch of fuzz I saw a while back, and wasn't crazy about.)  I need a lip wax.  I am devastated.

So, I sadly agree that yes, a lip wax would be lovely, thank you.  :(  I then casually mention that I've never had one before...  At this point, the technician eyes me speculatively and moves toward the door to the waxing room and says "Maybe we shut this door."

WHY ARE YOU SHUTTING THE DOOR?  OMG, she doesn't want witnesses to my torture.  This should have been my cue to run, run like hell.  That, or politely decline the lip wax I was induced into accepting by my own paranoia.  But, I didn't.  I didn't.

Luckily, she did my eyebrows first, or I would likely have bolted with what I NEEDED done still undone.  LOL!  Because when she got to the lip part, it was unpleasant.  (BTW, in my world, 'unpleasant' means 'crazy-ass painful'.)

I think that technician is illegally harvesting human tissue.
At least I hope she's doing something with the 17 layers of my skin she pulled off during that ill-fated 'lip wax'.

Amused, I was not.  I was even less amused when I got to the car and realized she'd left some wax in the corner of my lip that was pulling part of my face into a strange-looking rictus, similar to Mary Jo Buttafuoco, post-bullet.

My upper lip is still sort of uncomfortably numb.  (I guess Pink Floyd's variety of numb had nothing to do with hot wax.)  I think I may just have to embrace the yeti look at some point, because I don't know if I have it in me to do that again!

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