Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Little One - A Decade Gone

It's been an entire decade since I lost my first child.  (My first baby?  My first embryo?  My first pregnancy?  To me they are all interchangeable because to me, from the first moment, that was my child.  My baby.)

I didn't get to carry him/her for very long - only a few weeks.  But it didn't matter, I still loved that baby, and I was devastated when I started to see the signs that my body would betray me.

Every year on September 4, I remember, and I wonder what that little baby might have been... how my life might have been different if that pregnancy stayed the course?  The baby was due May 8, 2004 - just three days before my own birthday.  And now here I am, 10 years later, raising that little tiny baby's siblings (and pulling my hair out most days)... but still this day is one my heart never forgets.

It's not painful like it used to be, anymore... but I always remember.  

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