Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Kid Update

So... kid update.

My baby (Anna) is 8 years old.  How on EARTH did that happen?
Eight isn't exactly a milestone birthday, but for some reason it feels really old to me.  I think it's because I have very few (good) memories of my own early childhood - but I remember an awful lot from eight forward, so I guess I feel like I can relate to her in a different way, now.

It's strange... I don't really know how to describe it properly.  :)

OT is really helping Anna as well.  I think we may have stumbled upon a solution to her handwriting difficulties - cursive.  Her OT Gail discovered that her handwriting improves 100% if you allow her to write in cursive.  So, I think that may need to go in her IEP for this coming school year.  The difference is astounding!

Ella is getting so big... and she's obsessed with having a pet of her own.

She's been haranguing me nonstop for a hamster.  (Well, first it was a guinea pig, but I said NO!  They need too much space, and they need to be in pairs.)  She WILL NOT let it go.  *sigh*  Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-pet... I like animals.  But we already have two cats, a dog, a turtle, and probably 30 Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.  This house simply isn't equipped to be a makeshift farm.

Anyway... we're in discussions about it.  I told her that IF she gets one, she has to pay for everything herself, and take care of it.  We went to PetSmart yesterday to price everything out... she needs at least $50 - she's already got about $30 saved up.

Sigh.

In other news, she said this to me at dinner last night, and cracked me right the heck up:

"Corn.  It has a vegetable taste, but it's sweet.  That is SO wrong."

Hahaha!  "That is SO wrong."  I don't know WHERE she gets that from.  ;)

Monday, July 9, 2012

When A Narcissist Says "We Can Still Be Friends"

An interesting tidbit I came across, that I think sums up the actions/words of Narcissists to a fine point.  Speaking from personal experience here, this seems pretty dead on.


When a psychopath says "We can still be friends".

Translation:  "I am using a screwdriver right now, but you are the best hammer I ever had, so stay on the shelf where I can get to you if I need you for something the screwdriver cannot do."

-Thomas Sheridan, Author of Puzzling People - The Labyrinth of the Psychopath

So I Dated A Narcissist...


Yep, I did.  More than once.
And I don't mean narcissist in the 'loose' sense... I mean, full-on word-twisting, game-playing, rug-pulling, disturbed narcissism with a CAPITAL N.

Wanna know the worst part?
I didn't know it.  I thought I WAS CRAZY.  I thought I was deficient, didn't know how to have a proper relationship, and that I must have done SOMETHING.  For years and years I wondered where it all went wrong... what did I do?

I didn't do anything shady.  I loved, and expected love in return.
Apparently that's where I went wrong - expecting in return.  Narcissists want you to feed their ego... they want what they want, when they want it.  They will woo you however they have to until they get what they want/need, then they will drop you like last week's leftovers... until they need another ego boost.

Thank God that I stumbled across a website of other women describing my past to a TEE.  Thank God it's not just me, and I wasn't crazy after all.

I'm going to list a few gems from a website, just for kicks.  These are things a narcissist SAYS, then underneath, it's what they mean.  If you start hearing this stuff, and start to believe you're crazy, you're probably with a Narcissist.  Get out, before you spend years confused and despairing, wondering what's wrong with you.  Trust me.

Annnnd... GO!

What do you like about me?
Come on... give me some supply here... I'm fresh out and my ego would like a hit!

You took that out of context.
Damn, you're on to me. I need to make you think you're losing you mind and imagining things. I will deny everything I said. - a Narc classic

I think I'm a really good person for you to know.
I'm going to suck you dry and take you for all you're worth! Yee haw!!

I feel a sort of twinship and kinship with you.
You're a great target. I'm lining you up as my next victim. Wonder if you'll fall for the 'you're my soulmate' line?

No one knows you better than I do.
You're going to be what I want you to be, so bend over and take it!

You read too much into everything.
You're getting close to figuring me out, damn you!

We will never be able to be together.
Now that I have you brainwashed and totally in love with me I'm going to grind you down and hurt you so badly you'll never be able to get up again.

You know the answer!
I don't know what to say to brainwash you more, so I'll let you twist and fill in the blanks for awhile.

I'm not going to get into this right now!
You're catching on to me... I am going to shame dump and guilt you so you will stop questioning me.

I see something in you.
...I can exploit, use and abuse for my own needs... so bend over baby 'cause here it comes

I don't think you and I talking would do either of us any good.
Since you have me figured out and won't buy any more of my b.s. I can't face you. You scare me and you might just reveal more of the sick predator I am.

I would be stoked if she had a little more enthusiasm toward me.
I'm KING OF THE WORLD... whooo hooo

She should be stoked that I love to surf everyday, and I'm good at it.
Her whole life isn't all about ME!!! She's breaking through my brainwashing & abuse. Damn her... how can I make her feel bad??

She resents my lifestyle. "I Live in Lightness", and she lives in Heaviness, Drama, and Ungratefulness.
She ripped off my mask and figured out what a user, abuser and complete fake piece of pond scum I am. So I will now say negative things about her for calling me on my shit. Implying she's an unhappy drama queen is the just beginning of my smear campaign.

We cannot be friends. I'm doing this for both of us
I couldn't care less about you. I don't want you around to warn my new victims...

I did it to protect you
I did it to protect me but now I am going to make you feel bad by backward talking!

I just don't feel passionately about you in the way a man is supposed to love a woman.  
I can't feel any emotions and you want emotions... so I will make it YOUR fault.

I want the baby but not the mother.
Babies don't know any different. As soon as the baby develops a mind of its own, however - I will dump it faster than I dumped you. Besides, babies are great lures for new victims... er, women.

I left you because of the way you treated me.
I left because you started to figure me out... Damn you.

Your expectations are unreasonable...
I can't give you what you want because I am not human and I am evil. So let's make this your fault.

I would never do anything to hurt you.
(BACKWARDS TALK) I love hurting you, it makes me feel so powerful and in control - so never defend yourself against me. Wait until I throw you away like a used condom! (Tarzan yell)

You and I understand each other.
(NLP) I want you to think you understand me and I have profiled and brainwashed you so thoroughly! Man I love controlling you.

You did impact me.
You had no impact on me. No one & nothing does. But if I say this it will have an IMPACT on YOU and I can take up free rent in YOUR head forever.

I won't forget you.
I already forgot but I want to make sure you obsess about me forever! OOOOO!! Power!

You know I have feelings for you.
Feelings I won't define. However I am envious, angry and downright jealous of you and always have been. You're decent, real, honest, well-liked, talented and smart. Everything I am not. But if I imply I might 'love you' you won't rip off my mask!

We can never be friends NO friend treats me like you did.
I have NO friends - I have proxies and sycophants. How dare you figure me out!

We will always be attracted to each other.
An NLP command to plant in your brain to make sure I can come around and sleep with you whenever I want.

I value you.
You're great Narcissistic Supply.

I guess this relationship has not been healthy for you.
Wow I feel so good inside knowing how bad I messed you up. I am so powerful! ME ME ME!!

She forced me to choose between her and the army.
And she wanted me to stop sleeping around... something I will NEVER NEVER do!! mwhaaa haaa haa!

I would never lie to you.
(typical backwards N talk. If their mouth is moving, they're lying.)

Maybe I am not the right person for you.
I am going to 'sow the seeds of doubt' in you so that you will work harder to make ME happy and PLEASE ME ME ME. This will also keep her trauma-bonded to me because she'll be afraid of me leaving her!

Every man wants to be king of his castle.
I am OMNIPOTENT! If I tell her EVERY man wants to be like it totally justifies my behavior and makes her feel like crap. (Tarzan yell)

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Gilbert Gottfried and Fifty Shades of Grey

I love the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy... I'm actually ashamed to admit how many times I've read those damned books.  I saw this today on FB, and I couldn't resist passing it on - Gilbert Gottfried reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey'.

So wrong, yet so hilarious.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Rantings Of The Sleep-Deprived

I can't sleep.  I lay there and tried for a long time, but it's just not coming.

The problem is that I can't seem to shut my mind down.  No matter what I do, it persists in wandering, recollecting, circling around and around.... I hate when this happens, because when I eventually run out of random minutiae to revisit, my mind usually just INSISTS that it needs to go over things that just shouldn't be visited - especially not at 11:30 pm.  Then I DEFINITELY can't sleep.

Vicious cycle.  *sigh*

So here I sit, typing in the middle of the night, hoping it will clear my mind enough to eventually catch some sleep.  The middle of the night is a lonely place when you don't want to be awake, and you can't stop thinking.

I could get these things off my chest here, in the dark, and it would feel very good... but in the morning I'll wake up, and they'll still be here in black and white, exposed to (potentially) everyone I ever knew.  Bad idea.  So I will keep it where it likely belongs, and prattle about a more palatable subject matter.

The weather's been lovely.
I know I'm probably one of very few who feel this way when the thermometer edges past 100 degrees, but I just adore summer.  I guess it is a throwback from childhood... it was my favorite then, for obvious reasons, and I just never outgrew it.

So, it's been crazy-hot here (108 the other day), and I've been spending a lot of time with my best friend and her son.  We took the kids to Steele Creek campground on Friday and played, picnicked, and lounged about in the baking sun for 5 hours straight.  I suppose its a forgone conclusion that I'm now sunburned, no? 

Yesterday we hit up Discovery Place with the kids, then had a bit of a cook-out at my place... I made white sangria (yum!) and we dug out the photo albums and some of my old journals.  Oh, boy!  Why do women always get so nostalgic when we drink?

Today I took the kids and dog to the Schiele Museum to walk the trail... it went surprisingly well, given how hot it was (105).  Later the kids and I trekked down to the creek in our neighborhood, and they had a grand time splashing around, finding cool rocks, and attempting to catch minnows.

The weekend went by in such a blur... I can't believe we're back around to Monday again!  AND... AND it's July already?  WTF, where did June go?!  When I was a kid, a day seemed to last forever... summer lasted forever, and time just seemed to crawl.  Now it moves at the speed of light, and I'm panicking a little - a year passes in the blink of an eye.

It occurred to me when I was lying in bed (not sleeping) that tomorrow (probably today, by the time I'm done) is July 2.  I know that means nothing to others, but it does to me.  Again I say, lord... where does the time go?!

I know I've been up way too long now, because I'm starving again.  I saw a Cracker Barrel ad on FB yesterday, and have been desperately wanting it since then.  I will have to put that craving to rest sometime this week, I believe.  Hmm.  I don't think I had dinner, which may account somewhat for my ravenous hunger.

Ah well, I am well and truly prattling now, so it's probably time to shut up.  :)