Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things I Don't Want To Hear About On Facebook

People on Facebook are getting out of hand, and I have but one thing to say:
"It's not your MFing journal, people!"

Go to Target and buy a notebook.
Turn to the first page and write 'Dear Diary'.
Go!

THAT is a journal.

A public place where you are friends with your ex-boss, your family, your kindergarten teacher, and all your neighbors is NOT the place to announce that you just had great sex.  Nor is it the place to let everyone know that coffee makes you 'have to immediately take a shit' (yes, that's a quote), that you have your period, that your hemorrhoids are acting up, that you WANT to have sex (even if you're married), that you've been seeing a married woman for two years (no joke, I couldn't make this up) or that your husband gave you a dutch oven last night.

I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW.
I do not WANT to know.

This stuff is OK to share in the right context.  With your BFF, it's fair game... but trust me, people who knew you for 5 minutes in 7th grade just don't want to know.  There's a private message feature... for the love of god,  people, USE IT.

And while we're on the subject of PMs, I feel I must say this:
Marital squabbles via status update - interesting (in a car wreck sort of way), but cringe-worthy. 
Cat fights via status update?  See above.
Don't get indignant when people jump in and stir the pot or take sides... you put it out there, it's your fault.

So yeah, I'm begging you:  Please stop making me cringe, or 50% of the people I'm 'friends' with are going to end up hidden from my news feed.  Buy a journal, for the love of God.


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