Friday, March 16, 2012

A Better Day... Thank Goodness.

Today's been a far cry better than yesterday... I am thankful for that.  Yesterday sucked.  They don't say "Beware the Ides of March" for nothing, I guess!

I spent a good part of today cleaning, arranging, and purging my sewing room.  It's weird to some, but I get emotionally involved in my projects, and sometimes the leftover fabric from a project that went badly or didn't end well tends to have some bad juju connected to it, somehow.  Sometimes, seeing it, touching it, etc just isn't good for me.  I got rid of a bunch of fabric leftovers today, and started organizing everything (since Christmas I've acquired a few new things that need their own space).

Now, I am having some pudding, a nice Shiraz, and am kind of meditating, I guess.  Poking around passively and gingerly at the things going on in my head and my heart.  I couldn't sleep last night... I was up until the wee hours of the morning thinking, berating myself, and generally being contemplative and miserable.

Today I feel a little better.  Today my resolve seems to be returning... I am not a quitter.  I can't roll over and let everything get the best of me... if I don't seize power, I will never have it.

Everything is tender, but not as 'breakable' as it has been, I guess.  I'll get through.  I'll hate myself for some things for a while, and I'll hate others for some other things, but I'll live.  I'll live, I'll forgive, and someday I will flourish.

To end, I will leave you with the song that's been stuck with me all day - I woke with it playing on a loop in my head, and since there was no alarm this morning, I can only imagine that it must have featured in my dreams:

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