Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Kid That's Crazy (And Isn't Mine)

Sometimes other people's kids crack me up, too. Yeah, I know... I've said it before; I'm mostly annoyed by any kid that didn't emerge from my own hoo-ha. But, there are exceptions. :)

One of those exceptions is my great-nephew Bryson. He's generally a really laid-back kid, and mostly rolls with the punches... I like that in a kid. AND he cracks me up, to boot.

Today the kids were all playing together when I hear Bryson talking to nobody at all... at least, that's what I thought. Turns out, he was talking to his scooter. A scooter that happens to be named (according to him) 'Uncle Chris'. This is what I hear:

Bryson (looking tenderly at said scooter): "Uncle Chris, are you OK? Are you OK, Uncle Chris? Did you poopy on yourself, Uncle Chris?"

Of course I have to find out just what this is all about, which is when I'm informed that his scooter has been branded with that particular name (I can only guess, in honor of my brother Chris). And Chris The Scooter seems to have an unfortunate tendency to 'poopy' on himself. Who knew?

Oh, but that's not all.

My sister has a perpetually grumpy Jack Russell Terrier named Chester... Chester is not only completely grumpy, but also suffers from Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (Doggie Alzheimer's) and hates pretty much everyone. Well, Chester begins barking, and acting nuts in Bryson's general direction, and this is what he had to say to Chester:

Bryson: "Chester, what's wrong? You mad?" (in a sing-song voice) "You mad? You want to eat my eyeballs out? You want to get me and eat my eyeballs out?"

Then, he starts cracking up and barking right back at the dog.

I swear, sometimes kids are crazy little buggers. I just like it when they direct their crazy at someone (or something) else and I get to laugh at it!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Who Took My Babies?

Who did it? Who came along and replaced my babies with little people?
I'm not sure when it happened, but I've been noticing more and more lately that these little people have lives, ideas, and knowledge that I know nothing (or very little) about. They have their own 'circles' and day to day lives that are coinciding with mine less and less (their circles on the good old Venn Diagram are really starting to stretch out).

The other day my youngest and I had this conversation:
E: "Mom, I'm going to get you a butterfly for your birthday!"
Me (horrified): "WHY would you do that?!"
E: "Because you love them!"
Me: "Actually, I hate butterflies."
E (thoughtfully): "Oh. Well, then, OxiClean. It gets red mud out of clothes. How 'bout that?"

She's 4. I didn't teach her about OxiClean... so where did she learn about this magical substance and become convinced that it's a fabulous birthday gift (right behind butterflies, of course)? It must have been TV. When she was watching alone, without me, and absorbing whatever crap they deem suitable. (SCARY!)

To further prove my point, last night at Target (shopping with just Anna), I was spotted by a classmate of Ella's. I hear him before I even see him... he's half-shouting "Hey, Dad! DAD! ELLA! THERE'S ELLA!" He comes tearing around the corner to where we stood at the register and a look of profound disappointment registers on his face when he sees only me and A. He looks at me and demands "Where's ELLA!?"

See? There we go again... her own little life, her own friends, her own circle in which I (and her sister) am largely irrelevant.

Several times now, while out and about, my oldest has accosted random strangers with huge bear hugs. I, of course, am frozen with a look of abject horror on my face before being assured that said random person is her school librarian/cafeteria worker/janitor/bus driver. Whew. I mean, I know my kid is friendly, but random strangers is taking it a bit too far.

Thank God that strange looking lady with the hairy mole is the school janitor.