Friday, September 16, 2011

I Wish

Sometimes I wish I was:

A heartless bitch.
Someone who does only what's best for herself and uses people for her amusement and pleasure.  Maybe if I could master this, what people say and think wouldn't matter to me. Because if you don't care about people, what they say and do are of no consequence.

A true cynic.
If I were a true cynic, I wouldn't believe in fairy tales... then I wouldn't be hurt/disillusioned/defeated when the path to 'happily ever after' is strewn with obstacles.

If I were unforgiving, I would never have to deal with people disappointing me more than once, and making me wonder if I'm just a really shitty judge of character.  For unforgiving people there is no 'three strikes' rule...  you piss them off once, and you're out of there!

If I had no experience, I wouldn't know any other way.  I wouldn't have longings, past hurts, or dreams to haunt me.  Perhaps true contentment is afforded only to those who are sheltered from any other sort of life than the one they live, with people they've known their entire life.

If I cared mostly for myself, people would be mere accessories rather than thinking, feeling beings.  If I were self-centered, I wouldn't feel devastated when someone I love hurts me with careless words.  I wouldn't feel like a failure when I can't help someone, or be who they expected me to be.

If you are beautiful, at least when someone rejects everything else you have to offer, you have that to fall back on.

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