Friday, August 28, 2009

Dithering, Dallying, and Demonizing

"I Don't FEEL good. Because you are MEAN TO ME!"

I'm mean.
The meanest Mommy around, if you take my 3 year-old's word for it.

Ah... our day was going so smoothly and nicely - I should have known better. The saying "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is" is incredibly relevant and very sage advice to the parent of any preschooler.

** If your child is playing quietly, don't rejoice. It is undoubtedly suspect.
** If they are behaving and subdued, they are probably sick and you will either get thrown up on or spend the evening at Urgent Care.
** If your children are playing quietly together, be afraid; one of them is likely now bald or otherwise disfigured.

The same rules apply to when your child(ren) are uncharacteristically lovely and accommodating while running errands. They are saving it up, trust me; before you can say "Linda Blair" you will be mopping up green snot and calling the Pope for a little intervention. Yes, I know this from experience... unfortunately so do many of my fellow neighbors/shoppers and the lovely ladies employed by Tuesday Morning.

Things were going along swimmingly today, and I was actually enjoying a quiet morning of errands, talking, and laughing with E. Oh, silly me! I am such a sucker, I fall for it every time. It was awesome. I was in such a good mood, and having such a grand time that I agreed to a toy purchase. ALL she had to do was pick it out.

Oh boy.
THREE trips down the toy aisle, a look at EVERYTHING, and 20 minutes later, she still hadn't made a decision and was dithering considerably. She WOULD. NOT. CHOOSE.

The time came to leave.
Cue green snotty/pukey stuff and Linda-Blair-esque scene.
Cue blood-curdling screams, hitting, and a range of rather startling preschooler invectives when The Ditherer was forced to vacate the premises sans toy.

I mean seriously... I love me some Tuesday Morning too, but we simply cannot stay there all day.

I have since been informed that:

"I don't FEEL good, because you are MEAN TO ME!"
"I don't WIKE YOU!"
"I NEEEEEEEED somefing, now!"

I swear to God, you'd think I was the devil, Hitler, and Saddam Hussein rolled into one because I *gasp* expected her to be semi-expedient while spending my money on crap to shove to the bottom of her toy box.

Nice guys finish last. And so do nice Mommies... remember that.


  1. Stopping by from the Finding the Funny Party!

  2. Ha!! So funny! Yeah, Tuesday morning can suck us all in- the old & preschoolers alike. Thanks for linking up with us over at "Finding the Funny"!