Sunday, December 28, 2008

Taste The Rainbow

I love the movie Juno.

I like it so much, in fact, that I find myself randomly using words/phrases from the movie.
"You're the cheese to my macaroni."
"Thundercats are gooooo!"

And then of course, there's my personal favorite:
"That's one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskittle."

It seems I use the word 'homeskittle' a lot - especially when driving, as an alternative to my favorite *ahem* more colorful expletives.

Hey, there are some things I just don't want my kids saying at school. Especially a Christian preschool.

A few nights ago we took the kidlets to see the Christmas lights at McAdenville (locals will know what I'm talking about). Of course we were in gridlock traffic, so we had all the windows (and moon roof) open so the kids could hear the music.

Bad idea.

It seems a rather sizable recreational vehicle was blocking my four year-old's view of a particular display. I became aware of this when I hear an indignant voice from the backseat yelling "Out of the way, homeskittle! You're blocking my view!" "Go. Move, homeskittle!"

Bear in mind that our windows were wide open, as were the windows of virtually everyone else driving through.

Man, are kids a loud, unabashed mirror view of your actions or what?!

I might have been mortified if I hadn't been too busy trying to regain composure after my mostly silent fit of laughter.


I feel compelled to amend this wonderful, insightful piece of literary genius upon the realization that I'm kind of a dipshit. Apparently the line from Juno goes "This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet." That is all.
I won't change the story because, well... I like my way better. :D

Monday, December 15, 2008

How To See The Continental US (In Just 10 short days!)

You too can have a trip around the Continental US for the price of one plane ticket! This is not a joke, nor is it a scam. With just two easy steps, you too can set foot in up to FIVE US states per day!

Sounds pretty cool, right? In fact, you might be wondering just how one might accomplish this.

It is very simple. Fly Continental Airlines... and have a layover in Newark, New Jersey.

Done! Ten days later, you've seen every state possible.

I was taken on this little trip against my will, and escaped after being held hostage for one day. In that one day I visited (and I use that term loosely) Nebraska, Iowa, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and finally back home to North Carolina. Yes folks - 5 states in 12 hours.

The trip from NC to Nebraska (and vice versa) is roughly 3 hours long when traveling with no layovers. Unfortunately, Charlotte doesn't fly directly into Omaha, which is where the fun comes in.

All was going well until our pilot suddenly informed us (after boarding and being seated) that we would be sitting on the plane for over an hour, because Newark had a ground stop in effect, and we wouldn't be able to land when we got there. OOOKK.

Eventually we take off, and all is good. Until our plane was denied landing privileges upon arrival. Supposedly a 30 minute ground stop. Nice. The pilot gets on the intercom and says "Oh hey guys... we have a thirty minute ground stop, but don't worry. We've got enough fuel for 30 minutes, we're just going to circle around." The 30 minutes come and go... pilot says "Oops! Been extended another 15 minutes." (Note that he previously told us we had just enough fuel for 30 minutes.) Finally the pilot says "Bad news. (just what you want to hear when you are many thousands of feet above the ground) The ground stop is still active - we are flying into Allentown, PA so that we don't run out of fuel. We'll keep you posted."

I feel I should mention now that I was flying with my brother.
My brother who is scared shitless of flying.
I look over and he's got his eyes squeezed shut, trying to stave off a panic attack.

Anyway, we get fuel in PA, and eventually land in Satan's lair (aka: the Newark New Jersey airport). Unfortunately, we had already missed our connecting flight (obviously!).

No big deal right? Just get the next flight out.

The next two flights on Continental into Charlotte were booked solid. We just missed the one on USAir. Fab. So the ticket agent says "We can put you on standby tomorrow, but I can't guarantee anything."


OK, if we were some scatterbrained, lazy-ass people who missed our flight because we were screwing around, that's one thing. But it was THEIR FAULT, and oh well... we don't know when we can get you out of here. I don't think so.

Finally we finagle a flight into Greensboro (1.5 hours from our destination) and have to have friends pick us up at 11:30 pm). And what did we get for our trouble? Two $12 'meal vouchers'. Meal vouchers my ass. That $12 paid for one (nasty) ham & swiss on rye, one soda, and one banana. Woo hoo! That more than makes up for having more than FIVE hours added to our total trip time!

Needless to say, I'm not sure who I am most pissed at - Continental Airlines, or Newark, NJ as a whole.

I'll let ya know.