Monday, September 15, 2008

Words To Live By...

I think most of us used to be normal once upon a time, and might have possibly had normal conversations. The memory is dim, but I think I once fit into that category....

Since I became a parent, though, the transcripts of my daily conversations (if you can call them that) read like a Mad Libs page. Honestly. I couldn't come up with more bizarre statements if I tried.

** The potty seat is not a hat!
** We do NOT eat kitty food.
** Mommy's lipstick is not candy!
** We don't put panties on our heads... they are for bums.
** NO! The kitty does NOT want to go on the Sit 'n' Spin!

And of course, there's my personal favorite.
"NO! Put that back right now! We do NOT steal money from the kids with Leukemia!"

Yes, I actually said that.

We were just finishing a leisurely dinner with family at a local Chinese buffet (some of you will know what I'm talking about - the Golden Dragon near Target) when 'the incident' occurred. I looked up and found my little one up on a chair, pilfering a quarter from the Leukemia Foundation Card in the lobby. (You know, the nifty ones where you insert a quarter into the little carved out slots.)

I said the first thing that came out of my mouth... and said it fairly loudly. The busboy was cracking up, my kid was looking shell-shocked, and I just wanted to disappear.

Of course, now the sheer absurdity of my statement amuses me.

Like, OK... steal from the kids with Down Syndrome, steal from the ones with Spina Bifida, who cares? But steal from the kids with Leukemia and you're going DOWN.


  1. First, it's a postcard from Wal-Mart, then it's a quarter from the Lukemia kids. Gees, what's next, mugging the Gastonia Star Ride for some kids bike???



  2. I love your allusion to mad libs! Never thought of it like that! i teach middle school 6-8th grades and I often can't believe the things that come out of my mouth. Usually it's normal stuff like "I can SEE you and I can HEAR you, now stop that!!!" but occasionally it goes to the completely insane.

    I'm shocked more people dont' steal those quarters!

    Found you at finding the funny.

  3. This is so funny! My sons are OBSESSED with quarters! I could see them doing the same thing! Thanks for the laughs and for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!