Monday, March 3, 2008

Why Am I Staring At This Zebra?!

I will not act like a love-sick teenager and ask if he's said anything about me.

I will not act like a lovesick teenager.

What is it about life that even when you don't want someone, you want them to want you?!

Now, don't get your panties in a bunch - I'm a married woman, and I don't swing that way. I am talking, of course, about my 'father' and the emotions I struggle with.

Yes, that again.
Yes, I'm still talking about that.
No, I'm probably not going to stop anytime soon.

Now that we've got that covered....
Even though I don't want a 'relationship' with him, I wish he at least seemed to care. (I know I sound like a petulant child, but I'm OK with that... you see, deep down I AM a petulant child.)

I regularly speak with my half-sister, and sometimes have to pinch myself to keep from asking the dreaded question - "Has he mentioned me?"

It's pathetic. I know it's pathetic, but for some reason I can't help myself.

Eh, it just stings a little.
It hurts to realize the truth... and (to me) it seems the truth is that after all these years, he still doesn't appear to care very much, if at all.

Double bah.

Screw it. The sooner I realize that a zebra's stripes don't change, the better off I'll be. Right?


  1. I can sympathize with you, but keep the faith. Remember that, given time, even a tarantula will molt its skin and emerge as something new... even if it isn't as pretty as a butterfly.

  2. I have the same issues but with my ex. I wonder if he thinks about me, if it is positive or if he wonders that he lost a good thing. Don't get me wrong, if he ever showed up in my life, I would turn and walk in the opposite direction but we never really had closure at the breakup. I want nothing to do with him but the not knowing drives me crazy.