Friday, December 28, 2007

I'm fatter... but so are you.

Christmas.

There is but one word to accurately describe it, and (ironically enough) it is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Imagine that... we celebrate the birth of Christ (even though his birth was not in the winter at all, but I digress) by indulging most wickedly in one of the most terrible of sins - gluttony.

Oh, that's right folks. GLUTTONY.
And it's goooooood.

Gluttony abounds.
Turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, macaroni & cheese, mashed potatoes, pie, etc. You name it, we eat it. And I will shamelessly admit that I LIKE IT. Christmas just would not be the same without a big heaping serving of gluttony.

And I'll also admit to loving it when my presents are in the gluttonous realm.

There. I said it. I like presents... lots and lots of presents!
And luckily, I have a husband that comes through. :D

My gluttony for this year? A Nikon D80 camera, complete with lens, carrying case, and several books/manuals. I swear to God, I swooned. And here I never thought that something electronic could bring a woman so close to ecstacy. (he he)

So now that I have a good camera, that means I take really good pictures, right? Yeah. I thought so. It's all about the camera. Maybe I should be a professional photographer now... ya know, even though I haven't had a chance to play with anything but the 'Auto' settings yet.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pity Party, Table For One.

It's 3am I must be lonely....

*Buzzer sounds*
Incorrect answer. Try again, Matchbox 20.

Not lonely... oh how I WISH that was it. No, something far more sinister and and annoying has me up in the dead of night in the middle of December. A mucous invasion.

Don't get me wrong... as a lifelong allergy sufferer with questionable immune system function, I'm used to snot. But this is no ordinary snot. This is super-powered, radioactive snot from the planet Krypton. (OK, maybe not - but it's bad. Trust me.)

Normally I'm not a big whiner (shut up, Paul) but Christ! I have been sick for a freaking MONTH now! As soon as the first cold was closing up shop and vacating, I get struck with this doozy. And to top it off? Not only am I miserable, achy, snotty, and sleep-deprived, but so are both my kids. Joy. And I get to take care of them all. day. long. tomorrow on very little sleep, with aching lymph nodes. Awesome.

So yeah... I would give both my aching lymph nodes for loneliness to be the problem keeping me awake. *sigh*
It's gonna be a LONG day.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Dandruff

So, it's gotten rather chilly here lately.
In fact, it's what a lot of Southerners (to the smirking amusement of those used to 'real winters') would call bitterly cold.
Brrrr.

Before I go on, you must understand one thing: Here in North Carolina, we have very little concept of what 'winter' really means.
To us, winter means digging out a sweater or two, and maybe a light coat. The words PARKA and SNOW BOOTS are as foreign to us as grits are to an Indian family living in New Jersey. We simply have no use for them.

Now, knowing a bit about our area, it will come as no surprise that snowfall is a Big Deal. Any snowfall. 1/4 inch of snow is grounds for a Holiday around here. Not only are all schools and workplaces shut down until the last of the evil white stuff melts, but everyone kicks into 'disaster mode' buying up all the bread and milk in a ten-mile radius.

(Hey. We have no snow plows, and to my knowledge nobody here even knows that snow tires exist. )

But that's not really the point. The point is that if anyone admits that it MIGHT be possible to drive in snow flurries, they might stop declaring every little bit of heavenly dandruff a Holiday. So we all play dumb. (Well, OK. Some of us play dumb. The rest... well... fill in the blank.)

So obviously there are some good reasons to hope for a little white stuff on the ground... however, some people are really in need a tranquilizer, a vacation, or something. In the post office Wednesday, I was minding my own business (wishing the slow-as-molasses employees very, very ill) when a lady barges in all red-faced and excited, about to pee her pants.

"IT'S SNOWING! IT'S SNOWING!!"

Uh huh.
Sure enough, a little dandruff was drifting down.

1...2...3...4. Four seconds. Four seconds and it was gone for good, leaving you wondering if you ever even saw it at all.
The first snowfall of the year... blink and you missed it.


I'd bet my ass that Ms. Exciteable had milk and bread in her car.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I love you man!

Ever notice how everything seems better after half a bottle of wine?

No matter how bad or trying your day, that lovely taste and feel of rotted grapes always makes your insides tingle and your mind go to a mellow fuzzy place. It's a beautiful thing.

I love you man.

God bless the man who first deigned to taste that fermented pile of slush that was once grapes... he changed my life forever.

Now if only I could get a handle on that changing water into wine gig... that would be sweet.